I believe I’ve always had an innate ability to communicate with others in an effective manner. That is not to say I’ve always utilized this ability. I am embarrassed as I recall my lack of effective communication in high school due to my immaturity and many other issues; my insecurities and anger causing quite ineffective communication in my twenties; my fatigue that all working mothers (and this also includes mothers who work as mothers) battle causing some inappropriate communication in my thirties.
However, I do proudly admit that I learned one of the most important tools regarding communication about a decade ago which has become embedded in my subconscious: “I understand (this) about you, but (this) about me, therefore…”
It is not about being insincere; on the contrary, it is about finding the sincerity to bring down the “opposing party’s” defenses to enable them to hear what you are saying. By taking the time to search how to fill in the blank for the first part of this 3 part phrase, it means you MUST truly try to understand the other side BEFORE expressing your own side. I wish I could go on CNN with Anderson Cooper and declare this simple phrase that would truly make all of us such happier people.

How many times do you feel that the message you are trying to get across is NOT GETTING ACROSS? How many times does a simple request turn into an argument? How many times do you walk away from trying to resolve a problem, only to have made the problem worse and created bitterness in the process? Whether it is a mother trying to discipline her child (I understand that you wanted to go to the movies with your friends tonight, but we feel it is important for us to have a family night;, therefore, we will be all going out to dinner as a family this evening) OR a husband trying to explain why he can’t comply with his wife’s latest request (I understand that you want to getaway and go to Vegas next weekend to relax and enjoy time away, but our property taxes are due next week; therefore, we need to prioritize our expenses) OR a wife trying to get through to her husband (I understand that you are working all day long, but I am also working all day long here with our three beautiful and high demanding children; therefore, when you come home, I need to immediately take a little bit of time to unwind), if we could just implement this method of communication into our everyday lives, our children, parents, spouses, employees would be able to “hear” so much better what we are trying to “say”.

Tags: communication, conflict resolution

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 19th, 2008 at 7:41 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.